Ms. Gloria Steinem

Feminist activist and Writer, USA

Published: 8th December 2011

In life, some are fortunate to have women within their family who they can look up to, but my circumstances were different. Being the youngest, even the possibility that I could think and feel worthiness of self was met with resistance, resentment and passive aggressive behaviour from the women in my family. For the outside world the image was one of appreciation for me, but behind closed doors the reality was quite different.

Very early on these circumstances led me to not only, not become them, but also subconsciously seek and be drawn to worthy, compassionate and emotionally strong women. Unbeknownst to them, they became my strength—to all of them, I am extremely thankful. Their life stories gave me the courage to exercise my value. What I was still unprepared for was the punishments that came in various forms and in all aspects of my life: family, films, marriage and society at large. Recognizing the correlation between the insecurities of men and their feelings of inferiority, to the punishments meted out to women helped me deal with the ugliness of patriarchy.

It was the same situation of twisted morality in the movies. Where you could play roles of extreme wealth or a cop or break into dances with hips shaking and chest heaving, the spotlight was only on conforming to cookie cutter versions of brain-still women. Playing into these demands is made to look as the easier path, but once you cave in, you extinguish your personal fire. It was demoralizing to observe this circus closely—heroes mouthing dialogues of revolution and change, of celebrating women, but it started, and ended there.

It was about supporting patriarchy in my personal life as well, my family failed to confront an extended family member's drunken and disrespectful behavior on several occasions of mine. In other instances, when my ex-husband wanted to sabotage me, he could manipulate my mother, after all he was the son-in-law. I found it utterly discombobulating that even my father, who is otherwise a successful practicing septuagenarian doctor, blindly accepted and supported this behaviour.

When I went to America a decade ago, I was limited in my perspective of the position women had in America. I believed what I saw and read—power—in various fonts in various sizes: power clothes, power heels, power lunches. Everything suggested that women were powerful. That bubble burst quickly when I came across an attractive young American woman who told me she wore makeup to bed so her boyfriend—older, married with children—would accept her and buy her a diamond ring. Another women I knew of, a Puerto Rican realtor, I came to learn had been stealing clothes to keep up a power realtor image at a high-end real estate company. The Indian women in America seemed no different; unable to express disapproval of their spouses visits to strip clubs, they figured going to similar places to watch naked men dance was equality. Their status was worse than their Indian counterparts.

Sadly what so many women fail to realize is they have succumbed to, and operate on, a self-created cataract of their mind. And their "status", remains status quo to that of their grandmothers—where they had access to opportunity but never challenged the man's position by changing their own.

As one veil after another came down it was clear, I saw the lack of intrinsic power in spirit and in thought. So much "power dressing" and "power talk" and "power consumption" is being sold to American women about their image, but their status is not much different from women in other parts of the world. Our skin colours might differ but our issues, obstacles and struggles remain the same.

What makes a difference is the attitude we foster, and the fire we stoke within ourselves to make a difference. When a woman like Gloria Steinem gifts her life to the betterment of the status of women and not only leads a woman's movement but continuously encourages us, we have no reason not to further her journey by participating in our lives instead of fostering the dormancy of the mind and soul. Speaking with her and being in her quiet, dignified and confidant presence, I can say with surety that the power of worthiness makes one powerful.

For me it has been a decade of great distance, from being punished in my marriage and family for having high personal standards to sitting across one of my heroes who applauds these very standards. From being alone in this journey to having support from men and women. I take this support with gratitude and move to the next chapter of my life with renewed freeness.

In all of this I have come to know that we must dig authentic wells to give rise to authentic thoughts that translate into authentic emotions and actions.

Heera Rajagopal - Ms. Steinem, what were your earliest observations and feelings that stirred thoughts in you indicating women deserved more and can do more for themselves?

Gloria Steinem - There was no women's movement when I was growing up or when I was in college, at least nothing visible. So I thought that the only answer was an individual answer, you know, that you had to work very hard and behave and follow the rules and that by being a "good girl" you would succeed. It took me a long time to realize that was not true. So I would say I was in my mid thirties before I realized that there had to be a movement there—that the problems were not individual, they were systemic. And so we had to come after them as a group.

HR – And what propelled you to keep moving forward?

GS - Well, in the first instance what propelled me … I understood that I was being treated unequally. That I couldn't get political assignments as a journalist when less experienced men got those assignments or that I had a difficultly getting an apartment or that I got paid less, but I kept thinking if I just tried harder it would be alright.

And then two things woke me up. One that I went as a journalist to cover an abortion hearing because New York State was then trying to decide whether to liberalize their abortion laws. This was before the Supreme Court decision, just before, and I heard women standing up and telling the truth about what it was like to enter a criminal underworld here to get an abortion. I had had an abortion, one in three women needs an abortion at sometime in her lifetime, so why was it illegal. So that was one big revelation.

And another was that I was working with and writing about women on welfare, and they had done an analysis of the welfare system as if it were a gigantic husband. It was very funny, the analysis—that it was jealous, looked under your bed to see if there were shoes of any other man. So those two things really woke me up to a burgeoning women's movement and understanding that no single person could do this by oneself.